Coping with depression:
Tips for getting your life back

Coping with depression can feel like struggling up a steep hill – while being crushed by a wave of darkness. Taking action is difficult because doing anything seems so hard, and nothing seems very likely to help. You feel like you'll never be happy again, and you feel helpless and like nothing has meaning anymore.

This view is one of the symptoms of depression – not the reality! Depression clouds your judgment and drains your motivation, but there are things that you can do to deal with depression.

Photo credit Ashley Rose

Which ways of coping with depression are best?

The answer to this question really depends on why you're depressed. Too often, all depression is seen as the same, with the same recommended treatments (usually expensive ones). But thinking about why you're depressed and coming up with solid reasons – really considering it, not dismissing it as something that's just wrong with you or blaming it entirely on circumstances – can actually just make you feel better in itself. It makes you feel like you can do something, that depression is not a faceless monster. Addressing the cause of the depression is the only way to actually heal from depression.

You have to be honest with yourself about what causes depression for you. Often people feel depressed because of something that they're doing, or something that they're not doing that they should be doing. They maintain their own depression. This can be hard to face, because it means that to beat depression you will have to make changes and that can be difficult. However, you already know that being depressed is difficult too and willing it away doesn't work. Even if you're biologically predisposed to depression, there is much you can do to fight it and not allow depression to run your life.

Coping with depression vs. curing depression

Whether caused by a chemical imbalance or your negative thought patterns (or both!), episodes of depression tend to recur. Sometimes people just want so badly for the depression to be cured and gone for good that when they start to feel at all depressed they view it as a total failure and a sign that they'll always be depressed. Not true! Coping with depression is a process - you can't make the depression vanish, but it's recurrence does not mean you've failed.

Every time you effectively cope with an episode of depression you're getting better and better at doing it. Even coping ineffectively but recognizing during or afterwards that you didn't cope very well will help you to get better. If you're used to giving in to depression it will take practice for you to see real results. However, all the work is worth it when you realize that you felt just a bit down about a situation that would previously have sent you into a dark spiral for a week, or when you find yourself automatically using coping strategies that you really struggled to learn.

Some general ideas for coping with depression

• Know your triggers. If you're tired and stressed, depression will be more likely to take hold. Take a break before you get too overwhelmed. Tiredness and stress are general triggers, but most people will have other, more specific triggers, like rejection, having to be publicly judged, or talking to people who complain a lot or are generally negative. When you are facing a trigger, recognize it for what it is... a trigger, not a guarantee that you'll become depressed. Labeling it will often reduce its power over your mood and you can then monitor its effect on you
• Prepare ahead of time some strategies for coping with depression. For example, a list of some things that you can try or that you think might help when you get depressed, or some steps that you commit to taking the next time depression starts sinking in. These things are much harder to think of when you're already depressed – so be prepared and make coping with depression much easier. For some people, this might be a scrapbook of happy memories, for others a page of inspirational messages, and for others a reminder to call a trusted friend. Think about what has helped you before, and what new things might help, and write them down for later!
• Take care of yourself when you feel depressed. This doesn't mean wallowing in your mood or 'treating' yourself to things that will only make you feel worse. Do soothing things, such as have a hot bath with scented candles, cook a meal that you find comforting, spend some time reading a book that you love, hold a child or pet, read over old letters, emails, or other messages that make you feel good – like sometime someone was very nice to you or praised you. Anything that makes you feel peaceful or comforted will do. These sorts of things make you feel like someone who is worthy of being taken care of, which is especially important for those who believe (consciously or unconsciously) that they should be punished for feeling down. You don't have to always feel strong - be gentle with yourself when you're suffering
• Don't expect too much or too little of yourself. The time to try and change your life is not when you feel depressed. Wait until the clouds break, and take action then. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to do anything – try instead to focus on small, measurable steps. This will help you feel better (because even though you feel depressed, at least you got something done!) and will also help you keep moving towards your goals
• Accept your feelings, but recognize they're just feelings. Don't try to push them away or tell yourself that you shouldn't feel depressed. Don't give them too much importance either – remember that depression makes everything seem more hostile, sad, and insurmountable. Just be with the way you feel right now, and you'll often find it's not as bad as it seems. You'll feel this way whether you accept it or not, since suppressing your emotions doesn’t work, and acceptance can often lessen or shorten the pain
• Fight negative self talk and rumination. Often, depression is maintained by the way that you talk to yourself about yourself, life, and your mood


• Keep doing healthy things and keep up your normal routines. Depression can make it seem like a good idea to eat nothing but junk food, sit around, and not participate in any activities or go out. Coping with depression involves not giving into it and doing these things, since they will make you feel worse. Keeping up healthy behaviors will make you feel better about yourself. Plus, getting out and doing things can distract you if you have a tendency to dwell on the negative
• Actively look for good things. Depression is proven to make you more likely to notice the negative in everything, so fight depression by looking for the positive – even things as simple as appreciating a beautiful sunset, or the taste of a good meal. Try to notice when people are being nice to you instead of focusing on their faults, and try to pay attention when good things happen to you, not just when bad things do

If you're experiencing severe or persistent depression, or if you feel like harming yourself or others, professional mental health help should definitely be your first step. However, learning new strategies for coping with depression is helpful to everyone who experiences depression and wants to feel better. Depression doesn't have to run your life, and you can learn how to cope.

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