Expressing emotions: Catharsis, hiding emotions, and a healthy balance

Expressing emotions is important for maintaining good emotional health – but too much expressed emotion or too much suppressed emotion can be equally bad for you.

The key is to find the balance between these two extremes, a level of emotional expression that allows you to find some emotional release without dwelling too much on your emotions, getting yourself too worked up, or hiding emotions and suppressing them.

How can expressing emotions be bad?

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Common wisdom says that catharsis is a good thing – that you should always express your emotions and never keep them inside. But I'm sure everyone can remember times when they ranted and raved in anger and it just made them feel more angry, or times when they talked about a disappointment too much and just felt more hopeless. Studies have shown this too – letting yourself get all worked up about something just leads to you being all worked up, not to you feeling better or to your situation improving. Expressing your emotions but not letting them go or doing anything to fix the situation that caused the emotion will not help you.

As well, sometimes releasing emotions can damage your relationships and even your chance of success in some situations. Blowing up at people is not likely to endear you to them, nor is complaining all the time. This certainly doesn't mean you shouldn't show your anger or disappointment, just that it's important to do it in a healthy way.

How can hiding emotions hurt you?

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On the other hand, sometimes people think they should keep their emotions inside, especially destructive emotions like anger or upsetting emotions like helplessness. They worry about what others might think of them if they expressed the emotion, or they worry about hurting others. Some people also worry about losing control of their emotions if they let them out – thinking things like, If I let myself start to cry, I'll never stop.

Sometimes, keeping your emotions inside is the best thing you can do, at least temporarily – you wouldn't want to cry or scream in a job interview, or when you're giving a presentation, or when you're trying to get through airport security. But stewing in an emotion is never good, and emotions will find a way to come out somehow – maybe your suppressed emotions at work will come out in a fight with your partner, or maybe you'll turn to alcohol or drugs, or find yourself getting irritated or upset at tiny things because your hidden emotions have built up so much. Hiding your emotions can also lead to serious emotional dysregulation problems and depression.

So how can you express emotions in a healthy way?

The key to expressing emotions healthily is to do it in a way that allows you to move forwards. Don't hang onto the emotion when you're only making yourself unhappy, whether you're getting yourself worked up inside your head or saying it out loud. You might need to learn some new ways of coping with emotions or how to deal with stress more effectively

Expressing your emotions can serve some sort of purpose. For example, it might provide a feeling of release and break up overwhelming emotions (like crying or screaming into a pillow can help you calm down), or it might let another person know how you feel so that you can deal with problems in your relationship, or it might allow you to gain another person's perspective on a situation (like talking to a friend can show you approaches to a problem you hadn't considered). Expressing emotions doesn't always have to have a point, but keeping your goal in mind can help you make better decisions about when and how to express emotions

Let your emotions out before they reach the boiling point, if you can. If your inner emotional pressure gets to be too much, the blowout will probably just cause more problems for you. It's much better to express emotions and deal with situations while you're still clearheaded and not too emotional.

Work on understanding your emotions and developing a better relationship with them, including learning to recognize your triggers – situations or people that tend make you want to blow up or suppress your emotions.

Expressing your emotions in a healthy way is always a delicate balance, and sometimes emotions will just get the better of you – nobody's perfect! If you work at it though, managing emotions will become a lot easier when you know how to express them appropriately.

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