Do you have poor self esteem? Tips and strategies for overcoming low self esteem

There are many different causes of low self esteem, and many people suffer from self esteem issues. Often, people with low self esteem are portrayed as being unsure, but in reality they are usually certain ... that they're worthless, a bad person, unlikable, and so on. This view can distort everything you see. If you have self esteem issues, you're more likely to dismiss or ignore good things about yourself and positive feedback from others, and to pay excessive attention to your own faults and failings. This distorted perception and other low self esteem signs can be very damaging to your emotional health.

Photo credit taylorschlades

If you're sick of feeling bad about yourself, try some of these ways to improve self esteem. Overcoming low self esteem does take time and effort – you've had your whole life to build poor self esteem, so it's not just going to vanish because you want it to! However, wanting to have better self esteem is a really important first step towards changing. You can also try some tips for improving your self concept or coping with depression.

Cognitive tips for overcoming low self esteem

• Give yourself permission to have high self esteem. Many people who have low self esteem want to feel better – but they find the thought of liking themselves uncomfortable. This can be baffling to people who have never had to overcome low self esteem, but when you're so used to hating yourself, liking yourself can feel very strange. This will get better with time, once you're used to having higher self esteem. You deserve to feel good about yourself!
• Don't let yourself give in to doubts. You might worry that you have poor self esteem because you actually are worthless – but that's just the low self esteem talking again. Don't overanalyze it, just take your worthiness on faith for a little while and work on building higher self esteem. Soon you will see the truth about how excessively harsh you were on yourself before
• Tackle your negative self talk and change it to be more positive and fair to yourself. This doesn't mean mindlessly repeating positive statements – that can actually make you feel worse because it makes you more aware of how much you don't believe in the positive statements. Changing your self-talk is more subtle and more powerful than that
• When something doesn’t go your way and you start feeling bad, remind yourself that it's your low self esteem that's causing you to blame yourself. Don't let yourself tell yourself that it's all your fault. Remember that your perception is distorted. Remind yourself of other factors that caused the situation to not work out, or of what you learned, not of your faults. Even if you were partially to blame for the situation, you can choose to be defeated by it or to learn something from it and become a stronger person
• Remember that everyone has flaws, and so people expect everyone to have flaws. Your flaws are probably not a big deal and it's unlikely most people will even notice them, much less judge you harshly for having them. That isn't to say others don’t think you're important – just that you are likely zeroing in on your faults much more than anyone else will

Action tips for overcoming low self esteem

• Make a note of good things. Write down sincere compliments you receive, things that you did successfully, good thoughts you had about yourself, times when you challenged your negative self-talk or coped effectively with a stressful situation. I'm sure you can remember negative things without help, but people with low self esteem tend to have a hard time thinking of positive things about themselves. Making a note of good things can give you valuable ammunition against your negative thoughts and emotions
• Limit your time with or stop associating with people who only ever have bad things to say about themselves. They will only drag you down and make self-hatred seem normal. If you can't or won't do this (for example if they're family) try to keep the conversation off self-blaming topics and don't let yourself be sucked into mutual complaining. Instead, seek out people who are comfortable with themselves, notice the kinds of things they focus on and how they talk about themselves, and try to emulate them
• Take care of your physical and emotional health. Self-blaming thoughts are more likely to creep in when you're tired, hungry, stressed, lonely or overstimulated. Learn to pay attention to your own warning signs of stress and to your body's signals. Taking time to take care of yourself is okay and is not selfish. If you think it is, look at it this way - you're of no use to anyone if you're having a breakdown because you didn't take that time out earlier
• Ask for help. Tell someone you trust that you've been working on overcoming low self esteem and ask for some specific thing from them – for example "I'm trying to be less negative about myself – can you call me on it whenever I put myself down?" You can also ask them to help you think of good things about yourself, as long as you don't just dismiss or argue against everything they say. This can be hard to ask for because you might worry that they'll just confirm that there's not much good about you... but their answer can reveal many good things that you never realized about yourself, or thought were unimportant
• Do things that your ideal self would do. If you wish you were a better person, start volunteering, smile at people, pick up litter, or whatever things you think a 'better person' would do. If you wish you were less socially awkward, learn and practice new social skills. Try to think up some concrete activity for whatever quality you wish you had and do it – and then next time you're telling yourself that you don't have that quality, you have some evidence of good, valuable things you've done. Overcoming low self esteem is easier when you're actively doing things that you value and respect

If you're using these ways to improve self esteem, overcoming low self esteem is definitely possible with time and effort. If you're really struggling, or you want some extra guidance, therapy can be very helpful and can work faster than trying to do everything yourself.

As you increase your self esteem, you'll start to feel better in general and more capable of coping with life. This is a great motivator to keep going. Remember, you deserve to feel better about yourself, and you'll be a much better friend, partner, employee, and person when you do. People with high self esteem are more confident, more productive, find it easier to make friends, are more emotionally healthy, and even tend to have better physical health. If you have a hard time convincing yourself that you deserve to have higher self esteem, try thinking about these other benefits of overcoming low self esteem to keep yourself going.

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