Self concept: What it is and how you can change it

Your self concept or self image is basically your perception of who you are. This includes facts about you (e.g. eye color, height), what you think you're like (e.g. sensitive, honest), what you think others think of you (e.g. likable, too shy), and what you would like to be like (e.g. more successful, less irritable). It includes your perception of all facets of yourself, like your physical self, your cognitive and emotional self, and your social self.

Self esteem is what most people think of when they see the term self concept – but self-esteem is just what you feel about yourself (e.g. do you see yourself as worthless or valuable?), which is only a part of your self concept.

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Your perception of yourself affects nearly everything you do, including your ability to cope with different challenging situations, your motivation to do different things, and the types of situations and groups of people you seek out. Having a negative self concept can easily lead you to develop symptoms of depression or other mental illnesses. Being chronically dissatisfied with yourself is really unpleasant, and many people seek to improve their self image.

What affects your self concept?

• Your temperament. This is the part of your personality that you were born with, such as how sensitive you are to change and how stable your emotions are. Some people are simply more reactive to everything and others are barely phased by most things
• Your experiences. Your self concept is formed and changed by your experiences, and by your interpretation of these experiences. Doing well in school might have helped you to view yourself as smart, but being rejected by your peers might have helped you to view yourself as socially awkward
• Messages you've internalized from others. For example, if your parents ignored or abused you, you might have internalized the message that you're not worthy of love. If other kids called you stupid when you were a child, you might have internalized that message too. In a more subtle case, if you were often scorned or dismissed for being too emotional, you might have internalized the idea that it's not safe or acceptable to display emotions and you might have emotional dysregulation problems because of this
• Your existing self concept. Self image tends to be a stable thing, so all new experiences and messages are viewed in the context of your existing view of yourself. If you see yourself as socially awkward, you'll expect yourself to be socially awkward, so then you'll act socially awkward, you'll notice that your actions confirm your expectations, and then you'll say to yourself "See, I knew I was socially awkward!" This is why it's so hard to change your view of yourself – it's had your whole life to develop into what it is now, and you're constantly looking for things that confirm it, both consciously and unconsciously

How can you develop a more positive self concept?

• Identify what kind of person you want to be. You can't get there if you don't know where you're going. This can be a list of qualities, a story, a picture, whatever has meaning to you – and having meaning to you is the most important thing! Don't just list the way you 'should' be, or material stuff you want to have. Nobody else has to see this, so be honest
• Now, imagine what it would be like to be that kind of person, really getting into detail. This can feel weird or silly, but does it also feel kind of right? If it doesn't, change some things until it does. If it does feel right, great! Keep your list/picture/etc to use to remind yourself of who you want to be in those times when you're struggling
• Pay attention to your self talk, since what you say to yourself will tell you a lot about your self concept. Challenge the inaccurate negative beliefs about yourself that come up, and replace them with more accurate and positive beliefs (see the above link for how!)
• Have more experiences that support the self concept you want to have. If you view yourself as unlovable, seek out confirmation that people do care about you. If you view yourself as not good at something, practice or seek training until you are better. Simply willing yourself to believe you're something you're not will not work – you need to find proof for yourself, or change something so that you will believe it
• Accept your human flaws. Nobody's perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. Don't dwell on yours and allow them to make you view yourself negatively. Learn from them or let them go

While self-concept is relatively stable, a negative view of yourself can be changed to a more positive one. This does take some time and effort, but like most things involved with working towards emotional health, it's a process that gets easier and more rewarding the more you do it. Having a positive self image will help you in all areas of life, so it's worth it to develop one!

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